Punch every nazi. Dan and phil trash fire with random avengers, Murderbot, and nice things. i dont know who i am or what i'm doing. half of @hashtagfandomlifepodcast
tbh the submarine thing is the perfect demonstration of the thing a load of studies have borne out, where the more wealth someone has, the more likely they are to DRASTICALLY overestimate their competence in basically any field.
plus, tho I don’t personally know of any studies into this, I also think it’s pretty clear that wealth creates what I think of as the ‘Nothing Bad Ever Happens To The Kennedys!!’ mindset, where wealth insulates some people from consequences so much that it also makes them drastically overestimate their ability to survive danger.
saw some videos of the late Oceangate CEO bragging how he’d 'broken the rules’ when it game to the construction of the Titan and in hindsight it’s painfully apparent that the phenomenon I talk about above was heavily in play.
The guy essentially had actual submarine experts screaming 'MATE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING THIS IS A TERRIBLE IDEA’ at him and he clearly took this to mean he was a fearless iconoclast and not an idiot about to doom himself and four other people to maybe the worst possible way to die a human being can experience.
In january of 2021, deep in the throes of pandemic psychosis, we acquired a Corgi Puppy.
I would like to go on the record that we did not get a Corgi because they’re cute. We got a Corgi because they’re criminally brilliant and enthusiastic working dogs that were bred to bully cattle, which is the exact temperment a dog living in a house with three ADHD adults should have. Herschel does commit a lot of crime, but he also does his appinted service-dog job of “make everyone wake up, eat meals and go to bed at a reasonable and consistent time” extremely well, as well as his bonus jobs of “Keep the squirrels the hell out of the garden” and “Yell every time the cat does something”. I didn’t actually ask him to do that last job but it has helped in the “teach the cat to stay the hell off the stove” area.
But even with having a whole pack of humans another dog, and a cat to manage, this pales in comparison to his genetic capacity to manage several hundred sheep or cattle across the fields of Wales, and thus, Herschel has decided on further intellectual pursuits to occupy himself, namely, speedrunning the early phases of human tool use and terraforming.
I realized he has the brains of an entire hunter-gatherer tribe shortly after he got fixed, and within 24 hours and still dpey from anesthesia, he’d figured out that his plastic cone could be used to monopolize the water bowl and his favorite chew toys, and within a week, had learned how to carry three toys at once while leaving his mouth open by tucking the toys behind his enormous ears and under his chin. He also figured out that he could wiggle the cone to rest against his shoulders, and started using it as a shovel by literally running the bottom edge into the ground. But that wasn’t making holes effeicently enough, apparently, and I ended up watching him figure out how to rotate the cone around so the two pieces of overlapping plastic were under his chin, then use his chin and the stairs to the deck to pinch both ends into a much more efficient V-Shape that let him gouge huge strips of dirt up in seconds. The anthropologists and animal behaviorists in the audience may recognize this as Tool Creation, a behavior normally only seen in higher primates, crows, and some parrots.
Once a hole of suitable length, depth and temperature had been achieved, he very carefully rolled the cone around so the digging side was over his head and the smooth side under his chin, and splooted into his hole to cool his little tummy and stitches off. It was at that point that I realized that I was going to have to teach him how to garden, or he was going to teach himself.
He no longer has the cone (He was beginning to experiment with it as a battering ram), but his morning ritual is now “Wake everyone up at 8AM by screaming, locate everyone in house and jam my nose up theirs to make sure they’re alive, go outside and scream at the squirrels. Now that Yard is Secure, go get Fun Parent who has hopefully taken their meds by now, and supervise them while they rifle through the plants (this is apparently KEY to their mental health), eating any pest animals Fun Parent points out, chase squirrel AGAIN, go inside and get Breakfast cookie.” and BY GOD if we deviate from it there will be much screaming and destruction. If I am not home, it has been reported that he walks round the garden beds and sniffs the plants in the order I usually check them in before he will agree to come in. He doesn’t quite know what the deal with the melons is, just that they need to be checked.
But we’re out of the labor-intensive parts of gardening and now into Harvesting Season, and this is a bit boring except when I give him snap peas right off the vine, and he has decided to work on the complex physics problem that is Doorknobs.
And last week, he had a breakthrough.
Sometime in 2020, my mom sort-of taught her horrible crime herding dog Arwen how to open the back door so she could let herself out as she pleased during the day and stop interrupting Mom’s Zoom calls. Arwen is a Kelpie, which means she’s about 60lbs with full-length legs and horrible monkey paws that are one joint away from being hands, so when Arwen wants to open the back door, she sits up, leans on the door for purchase/to push it, and uses her terrible crime hands to *push* on the knob until it turns. She can pull the knob open by pawing and catching it on her toes, but she’s 11-13 years old now and has mild arthritis, so she prefers to catch it on her central pad instead. She taught Charlie, the other equally brilliant but less criminally inclined dog, to do this but he doesn’t like to go outside alone, so he rarely does this.
Herschel, ever the observant student, immediately tried copying them, but even though he is actually tall enough to reach the knob, his toes are just too stubby to get a decent grip on the knob, pushing or pulling, and the first few times, gave up and sat down to scream until one of the fullsize dogs or humans came to open the door for him.
Last week, we were up at my parent’s again, and I watched him hunt around the living room until he found his slightly-sticky orange rubber ball (It’s clean, it’s just a kind of rubber that’s always a bit tacky), carry it across the house, stand up on his hind legs at the back door, put the rubber ball on top of the gap between the knob and the wall, and then push down on the ball, which caught the doorknob and turned it for him, thus opening the door. He let himself out, had a merry time yelling at the squirrels, came back in, stopped a few feet inside the door, went back out, grabbed his ball, and brought it back into his kennel, a place he can leave toys if he doesn’t want the other dogs playing with them.
This means he somehow worked out how doorknobs work, how fucking levers work, and that his orange rubber ball specifically was the one that would work (none of his other toys are the correct size/texture), that he’d need that ball specifically to open the door again, and yesterday he did the same trick with the bedroom door, so he knows that the rubber ball/skeleton key can be used on all doorknobs, not just that one.
I wonder if I can teach him to sweep.
___
If you want to fund Herschel’s research into Tool Use and/or get me therapy for the ensuing chaos, please feel free to donate to my Ko-Fi, or get further Dog Content by subscribing to my Patreon.
I can’t believe I wrote this and then forgot to include a picture of the little man for a solid 24 hours:
Behold, my Crime Tube.
It’s two and a half in the morning and I have no words or brain capacity to process the joy I feel right now, so I’m going to reblog it and look at it again later.
Thanks for reminding me about this post because The Crime Tube has bullied me into doing a garden this year, with the kind of patient positive re-enforcement and blatant emotional manipulation that would make a dog trainer or Hannibal Lecter would admire.
I wasn’t planning on doing a garden this year because we just moved house, had an extremely expensive plumbing event and I got spayed this spring, so I had neither time, money, nor core muscle fortitude for starting a garden this march, which is usually when the beds have to go in if you’re trying to establish a garden out here. But we have had an extremely wet spring so everything’s running a bit late and I was on the fence about starting a little one, and put some of the plastic bins from the Pandemic Patio Garden out to see what kind of sun exposure they’d get.
Once sighted, Herschel realized that A Garden was a possibility and started on a campagin of psychological manipulation.
Herschel loves the garden, because he likes green beans off the vine but more than that, the garden attracts squirrels to the yard and his bloodlust has been left wanting of late. He also loves activities and I think was maybe a little sad that he wasn’t getting to do his morning patrol of the yard with me this year.
So he stopped going out in the mornings.
He clearly wanted to. Charlie, who very much likes having his little helper dog around, wanted herschel to come out too. but instead, Herschel would run to the far end of the house where he can still see the back door, and watch me.
…he wants something. I try offering a treat. Nope. I try calling Charlie over and heaping attention on him, something that usually makes Herschel’s jealous little ass hustle on over. Nope. Still waiting for something. I put my shoes on. ZOOM. Ah. My presence is wanted outside. I step out with them. I step back in. Herschel stops MID-PEE to turn around and come back in, and stands at the far end of the house. I go back out. Morning yard activities resume as normal.
He continues this nonsense of running away from the back door until I put on my shoes and go outside with them, and immediately stopping what he’s doing if I go back inside before some internal metric of his is met for the better part of a week.
Then it’s herding me outside, and jumping on me for attention, running nine feet away, stopping, and looking over his shoulder at me, which has previously been established as his “Are You Following Me? Please Follow Me.” I follow. He has shown me carrion instead of just eating it before and I gave him a whole piece of turkey about it because that was VERY good behavior and I am eager to re-enforce it. Instead, he patrols around the plastic bins, doing a “Follow Me?” check every few feet.
Yesterday I returned from the nursery with 70% off annual plants for a mini-garden and not only were there extreme yard zoomies of excitement, I got three toys piled on my foot as a reward for the desired gardening Behavior.
Now, This is the kind of behavior I got and trained Herschel for- Herding dogs are good at remembering load-bearing rituals like “Take your meds” and “It’s time for food!” and other stuff my ADHD Brain struggles with. So I’m very proud of him.
…I just didn’t realized this memory and enforcement behavior extended all the way to “IT’S TIME FOR THIS ANNUAL BEHAVIOR I’VE ONLY SEEN TWICE BUT IS APPARENTLY CRUCIAL AND I WILL BE A LITTLE ASSHOLE AND ALSO FLAGRANTLY DOG-TRAIN YOU TO DO IT, BECAUSE THAT’S HOW YOU TEACH ME THINGS”.
Great job, little Crime Tube. I got extra green bean plants for you.
Title:huh Author:FiannlyPhoebe Readers:blackglass, coffee_mage, NotBatman52 Rating: G Fandom: The Murderbot Diaries Pairings: None, gen Summary: twitter: tell me which character from a non marvel fandom would be worthy of wielding mjolnir me: mensah result: this fic Length: 4:33 Download: Right click and save as a LQ mp3 (for storage considerations) or as a HQ mp3. (Thanks to paraka for hosting!)
Streaming available at the link!
Notes: Created for the “Superlatives” challenge for Voiceteam 2023! Thanks to @swissfuckingcheesegdi for having blanket permission!
ordered pizza from a small local place and they didnt actually cut it so i’ve chosen to revert to a wild animal and begin ripping it apart instead of just using a knife to portion slices
absolutely visceral experience. food is so much more satisfying when you have to fight it. i may be feral
i am not proud to say this but that pizza lasted fifteen minutes. i normally am not that gluttonous, but this goes beyond glutton. there was gluttony and wrath. a whirlwind of sauce, cheese, and pepperoni, all atop a flatbread that was shred apart by my own hands due to the neglect of another
in that moment i was wild. i was free. i understood the simplest joys in life. the joy of eating and manifesting my own destiny
been reflecting on this all day and the unsliced pizza experience honestly ruled. i think everyone should try it sometime or another. you have not truly lived until you just absolutely obliterated a pizza in such a feral manner
is this you
yes
run
My best friend and I have this tradition we call “chicken dinner” where we get a rotisserie chicken, lay it on a tarp, start on opposite ends of the tarp, and on the count of three we both run at the chicken and start ripping into it with our bare hands. We will be on our knees fighting for the best pieces of meat, ripping into the chicken with our faces, and it is the most viscerally delicious chicken I have ever had in my life. Grease gets everywhere. We have to do this outside. We have to tie our hair in buns beforehand.
You have never known the joy of food until you are lunging at your friend to rip the best part of the chicken out of their hand, rolling around on the tarp, stuffing it in your face before they can retaliate, and you realize “holy shit did I just growl?” And then you realize they are doing it too.
The chicken gets decimated. It’s absolutely destroyed. We aren’t allowed back inside until we have been hosed down. It’s the best.
“A slice of bread, a piece of cheese, piece of raw vegetable or fruit: you’re blasted by a cleansing gust of ascetic wind. This simple and flavorless pairing is actually the everyday lunch of some foreigners.”
Image text: “White people food”
中国网友还给这样的饮食方式起了一个名，叫做”白人饭“（white people food）。所谓的白人饭特点就是，“冷的“、”素的”、”分量少的“，基本上就是”花最少的功夫准备，仅仅能维系基本器官正常运作“的食物（require the least amount of effort to substain vital signs）。
“Chinese netizens have given this cuisine a name, ‘白人饭’ (white people food). "The characteristics of so-called white people food are 'cold,’ 'vegetarian,’ 'small portions,’ and truly 'requiring the least amount of effort to sustain vital signs’ food.”
“In other words, white people’s food is the kind that doesn’t involve cooking, with just one kind of seasoning, if not salt and pepper, then just the direct addition of mayonnaise or ketchup. "Originally, the concept of white people food started with Chinese netizens living overseas. It was because they used social media to expose their white coworkers’ lunches — a few carrots and some raw spinach.”
OP’s tweet reads: “This is my coworker’s lunch. A few carrots and some spinach. They already have the ability to produce their own energy without eating food.”
Comment 1: “I think since they like suntanning so much, they must be using photosynthesis”
Comment 2: “They depend on therapists to keep them alive”
“Unknowing spectators may mistakenly think that these are freshly washed vegetables about to be chopped and cooked. While Chinese netizens, accustomed to 'lunch means a hot meal’, view their white coworkers’ lunches as unimaginable.”
OP’s tweet reads: “My Danish coworker brought something new again. No spinach today, just two carrots and a pepper. They’re evolving.”
Comment: “Why do they eat like they’re putting gas in their cars. Pour it in to be able to go”
OP’s tweet reads: “my coworkers lunch is a whole cauliflower! First time I’ve seen a whole cauliflower eaten with a knife and fork after being cooked. He was even surprised that I’d never seen that before. These people haven’t lived”
OP’s tweet reads: “The simplicity of Australian white people food. Everyone knows that Australian white people food is super simple, but when I saw my coworker’s lunch I was still shocked. Mushrooms from the supermarket, straight from the box, added directly to a wrap. I asked him whether mushrooms can be eaten raw. He said he’d been eating them raw for years and was doing fine.”
Comment: “Pretty normal. They even eat green beans raw. 20 years ago, the people at my bro’s place even ate yuanxiao [glutinous rice dough dumplings] uncooked. Anyways, I feel like foreigners don’t like eating food unless they’re about to starve. If they could live on alcohol, they definitely wouldn’t eat at all”
Image text: “Lunch: a head of raw lettuce wrapped around some ham with mustard drizzled on top”
OP’s tweet reads: “I guess I’ve seen the pinnacle of white people food today. The locals always come up with new moves to surprise me”
而反过来，海外的中国网友只是把自己一份普通的午饭带到公司加热，都会引起外国同事的围观和震惊。
“On the other hand, Chinese people living overseas only have to heat up in a normal lunch at the office to invoke the shock and awe of their foreign coworkers.”
OP’s tweet reads: “Re: about my lunch shocking my white coworkers. Everyone knows that white people don’t have taste buds, they only eat to stay alive. "Coworker A: porridges. Oats + honey + milk + salt + microwave for 3 min. "Coworker B: some kind of canned rice + canned tuna, microwave for 2 min. "Coworker C: pita bread with dip; with a couple of cherry tomatoes/cucumber. "Coworker D: mini pizza: base + sauce + cheese, baked "I’ve been here for most of one year, these guys eat the same thing every day. But today was different, today everyone brought food, a boxed proper meal: pasta. But I’m the undefeated mystical Oriental lady, made a whole table [of food] appear in the blink of an eye.”
“In China, the concept of a filling lunch is deeply ingrained in people’s minds, as well as the habit of having a staple of rice or noodles etc. with every meal. But in Europe and the US, lunches are usually simple and light, and they don’t have the custom of taking a siesta, so eating lightly helps maintain focus, prevent drowsiness, and save time. And so, these dietary differences have led to culture shock. "What’s more interesting is, recently the phrase 'white people food’ has spread to become a style of cuisine that everyone is imitating. Netizens have begun a deep dive into all different kinds of white people food. It’s like a door has been opened into a new world.”
OP’s tweet reads: “After entering a state of 'eating to stay alive’, I found out white people food is actually good. Ate the same thing every day and didn’t puke. I just play on my phone a bit and the food is ready. It’s sustenance, that’s all.”
Commenter: “After you give up on the pursuit of flavor, the world will open up to you. Cold vegetables + chicken breast are so good.”
Following this trend going viral, “white people food” got spread to the foreign web. Foreign netizens’ reactions were too funny. One user tweets:
而外国网友不但没有感到被冒犯，反而是早已接受了“白人饭”这个设定，甚至有时候连自己都忍不住吐槽。
“Not only were foreigners not offended, they’ve long since accepted the designation of "white people food”, even going so far as to mock it themselves.
而听说中国网友也兴起了吃白人饭之后，白人网友也不吝赐教，开始分享地道的白人饭做法。
“After hearing about Chinese interest in white people food, white people didn’t hesitate to offer instruction and started sharing recipes for authentic white people food.”
I don’t have any mobile phone network in or around my farm, but I can get some spotty reception if I pace around the woods for a good while. So now when I want to send or receive a text, and it’s too cold or dark to go outside and walk aimlessly for half an hour, I attach my phone to Pandolf’s collar and send him out in the forest. Usually when he comes home after taking my phone for a walk the text is successfully sent. He’s like those rescue mountain dogs with a little barrel of whiskey round their necks, but the millennial version.
There is a very specific sort of trauma which comes from being a small child, being told about widespread ecological destruction. Trauma which does not come from that initial fact - but rather the adult response to that child’s inevitable question of “What can we do about it!”
Even in grade school I recognized the inherent absurdity of being told about the massive destruction of rainforests - particularly the amazon - but then being told that if we want to help we can “Recycle Cans” or whatever.
And I think that to a certain extent that trauma has a somewhat malevolent yet subtle intention. When you make small children think that the world is dying because they ate a chocolate bar in plastic wrap - you foster a sense of preexisting damnation which cannot be meaningfully fought.
Alternatively when you make children think that adults have no plan or interest whatsoever to tackle the problem, you foster a worldview in which the children have an actively antagonist relationship to older generations. Given the power dynamics between children and adults however, this is just as likely to produce crushing despair as it might prompt furious rebellion.
Both paths ultimately lead toward learned helplessness and general misanthropy, ensuring that resistance to ecological destruction is minimal. Stifling the emotional ecological connection of every person who was once a child filled with the wonder of a tall tree, a grassy meadow, or the first squirrel they ever saw.
Capitalism sustains itself through mass-trauma, and this is only one small piece to the larger situation. However it is a piece I find personally meaningful to discuss given my focus on environmentalism.
speaking of art prints,, the lovely @swissfuckingcheesegdi showed me this 🥹🥺💕 LOOK how beautiful these look on her wall omg I’m so honored that ppl have my work in their homes
one thing about tumblr users isthat they love to disagree with posts. another thing is that they love to do is disagree with things that were not even in the post as if they were
“ILLINOIS is 1st STATE to BAN BOOK BANS! Per HB 2789, state funding ($62 millions) will not be awarded to public or school libraries that remove books from circulation and do not “adopt the American Library Association’s Library Bill of Rights.”
So far, the bill is the only one of its kind in existence. Since being passed in the Illinois Senate, it is now being sent to Governor J.B. Pritzker to be signed. It’s expected to go into effect, as the democratic governor has already voiced his support for the measure.
Should not even have be please, should be good and know but somehow not.
Person in Aiden class before today *grab* Aiden laptop with AAC and Aiden had *physical* grab back because person start press random button on Aiden AAC.
Then! Person get *mad* because Aiden not want person play with Aiden *voice* like *toy*
This not good, and wish person know more good but guess Aiden have say too.
i remember a couple years ago, i saw on reddit a post where a person had made 3D-printed spikes they could put on their wheelchair and take off as needed.
in the comments, people were complaining about how that was illegal and the damage it could cause to someone.
Yeah, it’s real damaging, you’re the victim. Not the person who you just tried to push and pretty much physically assault. /sarc
Aids like AAC and mobility aids are often seen as an extension of a person, a part of their body for them. As Aiden said in their post, the computer they use for AAC is their voice. A cane might be one of your legs. Hearing aids are one’s ears and glasses could be your eyes.
Fellow abled-bodied people, I am begging you, please respect the bodies of disabled people as we do other abled-bodied people.
I think this re-frames the issue in a way that is very helpful for able-bodied people.
We cannot hope to truly understand how it feels to have a random person be able to reach over and take your legs but damn the visceral reaction of the mere idea. That sure hits home in a way it wouldn’t without the explanation.
